Trying to replace a processor but I ain’t got the grease to put the heat sink back on.
Just short term solution before being able to get the real one, and yes I know how to wipe it clean.
Hair wax or toothpaste are supposed to work in a pinch.
Ah, me matey, so you want a little of that Thermal paste you say? All you need, is a Siren’s tail, a thumb o’ scurvy, and 1 and 19 more lemons.
But if ye truly wish for the best outcome, as the red headed one said above ye, the wax of a witch’s hair is handy, or maybe the soap for the teeth could be used.
Other tools such as a cow’s curdled milk or cream for softening work only in short burst, they fail soon and spread liquid e’erywhere, not the best for any machine.
This site will provide ye with the answers you seek.
https://www.powerelectronicsnews.com/problems-solutions/household-substitutes-for-cpu-thermal-paste
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@Yarrrr What CPU are you using? Depending on the TDP a lot of things may just burn instead of transferring heat.
You dont want to play around with your CPU. I recommend not using anything but thermal paste.
Nevermind, a friendly Australian neighbour lend me his own.
But I did try using a mixture of all from the above comments for an hour and did ok 
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Proud of you for not frying your CPU
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What a legend
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God damnit Yarrrrrr
Next time we’ll just ship you some, you bloody maniac
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